THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY - DEAD AT 71
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and many others. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 6 miles a day. One day, he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except his "thingie". So, he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself and buried himself in the sand except for his "thingie", which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the "Thingie" sticking up over the sand, she began to move it around with her cane. Remarking to the other lady, "There's no justice in the world. " The other lady asked what she meant. When I was 20, I was curious about it.
When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
When I was 40, I asked for it.
When I was 50, I paid for it.
When I was 60, I prayed for it.
When I was 70, I forgot about it.
Now, I am 80 and the damn things are growing wild on the beach and I'm too old to squat.
The reason why something is the way it is can often be more interesting than the thing itself. For instance, did you ever wonder why:
Dimes, quarters and half dollars have notched edges, while pennies and nickels do not?
Men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes have buttons on the left?
Xs at the end of the letter signify kisses?
Shifting responsibility to someone else is called "passing the buck"?
People clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
People in the public eye are said to be "in the limelight"?
People say mind your Ps and Qs when they want you to be careful?
Ships and aircraft in trouble use "mayday" as their call for help?
Someone who is feeling great is "on cloud nine"?
Zero scores in tennis are called "love"?
Many coin banks are shaped like pigs?
The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals. Dimes, quarters and half-dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren't notched because the metal they contain are not valuable enough to shave.
When buttons were invented, they were very xpensive and worn primarily by the rich. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's right. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. And that's where women's buttons have remained since.
In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility, he would "pass the buck" to the next player.
It used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink. To prove to the guest that the drink was safe, it became customary for the guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would then touch-or clink-the host's glass with his own.
Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and stage lighting by burning a cylinder of lime in an oxyhydrogen flame that produced a brilliant light. In the theater, performers on stage "in the limelight" were seen by the audience to be the center of attention.
When children write letters, they sometimes get their lowercase P's and Q's mixed up. To help avoid mistakes, teachers of old used to remind them to "mind your Ps and Qs."
This comes from the French word m'aidez meaning "help me," roughly pronounced mayday.
Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.
In France, where tennis first became popular, a big, round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called l'oeuf, which is French for "egg." When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans pronounced it "love."
Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense, orange clay called pygg. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as "pygg banks." When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig, and it caught on.